Blue Blue Blue

Baby Grace is 9 weeks old!

I am normally an upbeat positive kind of person, but lately I have really been struggling. I figured I had a touch of the Baby blues since my 4th baby was born in October and I’ve been getting little sleep and dealing with a 2 year old and a pubescent 11 year old. Perfectly normal to be out of sorts, I told myself. Well apparently it’s a bit more than just the ‘baby blues’. My OB told me I have Postpartum depression. I have to admit, I was both shocked and a bit embarrassed. I’m such a “glass is half full” kind of person that I could be depressed seemed weird. I’m pretty old school about depression – I think it’s way over-diagnosed today and I honestly think that some people use it as a crutch to not deal with reality. I figure that I’ve got a pretty good life, my reality doesn’t need escaping – so why would I end up depressed? Apparently I’ve held a rather simplistic view of it. Depression is a physical thing, a chemical imbalance in your body. Now you can treat it with medication, but I’m not much of a pill taker, so I’d rather not do that. So my option for treating this imbalance is to strive to correct it with behavior. I’m supposed to do things that used to make me feel good; get outside, exercise, be social and be creative. All those things help pull a person out of depression and they’re all things I like to do. However, and this is a big one and probably why people get deeper into depression; I not only don’t have TIME to do all those things, I don’t really feel like doing those things. I FEEL like hiding in my bathtub with the door locked and never coming out. I Feel like going back to bed with a weepy romance and a big bag of Oreo’s cookies. Lucky for me I don’t have the time for those things either! LOL! So I’m trying to do what I can. I’m going to try to finish up as much Christmas stuff as I can early so I have a bit of relaxation time before and after the holiday and maybe I’ll get some stitching in. I’m going to my Bunco group tonight after 2 months off because I’m squeezing in social interaction, even if it’s damn inconvenient and I really feel pressured by my family to not go, I’m still going. I’m going to start my Fly Lady routines again and see if I can get this house under control, because when it’s tidy and clean I’m happier. And most of all, I will not resort to comforting myself with food – I will exercise instead! If I can do all those things I’m sure I will be able to pull myself out of this depression.