The month after christmas...

Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,

All holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...

I said to myself, as only I can

"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"

So....away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie - not even a lick

I'll want only to chew a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore-

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,

Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet.

Author Unknown